Eight Mental Habits to Break in 2014: Find Inner Peace and Joy

 

January just passed and many people are already falling off the wagon of their well-intentions for resolutions or goals for 2014.  I am going to suggest that giving up some old mental habits and conditioned responses can help make 2014 your best year ever.  Letting go of the grip of the following fixed responses can bring great peace of mind and happiness.

1. Stop comparing yourself to others.Every time you measure your own worth by looking at those around you, be it at work or in society as a whole, you can find yourself experiencing self-doubt, or worse, self-loathing. You might waste enormous amount of energy by feeling inadequate or believing you need to change things that aren’t necessary; sometimes not even possible– being younger, taller, different features, etc.  Learn to live your own life and recognize what others have or do doesn’t affect you. Cultivate self-acceptance.
2. Stop complaining and holding others responsible for you or your situation.In other words, stop blaming others for your circumstances. It is so easy to say a circumstance or situation is someone else’s fault but, whenever you blame someone else, you are actually giving up your very power.  You are claiming you are the righteous victim. When you accept responsibility for yourself, it will give you many options and a sense of real empowerment.  So give up pointing fingers. Give up complaining about how wrong others are so you can feel superior.
3. Quit seeking approval from others.Why do you hold others’ opinions higher than your own?  Seeking endorsements from other people is like looking for props to hold you up.  If you lose their support you will fall down.  Choose to make decisions and choices in your life based on your inner, authentic self who is not as fickle as the public.
4. Stop covering up or denying your true feelings.Somehow our society has taught us that it is weak to express feelings or show feelings.  Unfortunately, when we deny or hold in our emotions, they only increase and can explode in a rage or implode into a depression. Expressing our emotions is healthy and suppressing them is not a sign of strength. Learn to be honest and open about your feelings. Sharing your doubts, fears, and sadness with others from authenticity brings down walls and builds relationships.
5. Stop looking for material objects and other external validations for your self-worth.You are not your things.  You are not your house, you are not your car, and you are not your clothes or any other inanimate object.  Your ego is insatiable so no matter how many desirable objects you acquire, you will never be satisfied.  The thrill will dissipate and you will need new things to prove you are worthy.  Learn to see that your worth comes from your inner character, your ability to love and be loved, and your integrity as a human being.  The need for outside objects causes fear of loss and greed. Ask yourself, who would you be without them? If you think you need external validations to define yourself, you will never find inner peace.
6.  Give up resisting fear and inner pain.Face your fears. What we resist or are afraid to look at is actually the very thing that, when faced, will bring us relief.  It is the resistance that is causing the discomfort. If you feel a need to defend yourself, that is a form of resistance bringing about pain. Whenever you feel the need to defend yourself from a perceived attack, ask yourself, what are you afraid to see, what do you worry this says about you, and what are you really afraid of? Your ego is the only part of you that needs defending; your honor stands on its own.  Have you ever noticed how you feel when you are defending yourself? It is not a strong position.
7. Stop worrying about the unknown future and regretting the past.Countless hours are wasted worrying about the unknown future or fretting about events of the past. Only the present moment is real.  When we live in the present, we awaken our ability to truly feel peace and joy.  Worrying about the unknown future is a wasted journey. And the past cannot be undone—you cannot have a “do-over.”  Trust that as the future unfolds you will have the wisdom and authenticity to deal with it as it occurs.  Most of what we worry about never comes to pass.
8. Finally, stop rushing to judgment. How often do we form an opinion or condemn others without the understanding or full picture? Who are we to make judgments of others or even harshly judge ourselves? Our opinion is really only our own coming from a very small and personal point of you.  Judgment is so pervasive we are unaware when we do it. But when we can practice giving up judgment we free ourselves as well as those around us.